Winter Driving Tips

It’s time for everyone to work on their cursing and middle-finger deployment. Yes, you’re going to need these skills now that the winter driving season has started! But that’s not all. Being a capable winter driver requires actual driving skills, which ol’ Steve here is going to help y’all out with. Because cursing and gesturing alone won’t get you out of that snow bank.

I learned everything I know about winter driving from my father. He prided himself on being able to drive his car through a wintry hell (commonly known as “Missouri”) and passed his secrets on to me. Here are the basics:

1. Always have candles, blankets and rock salt in your car (for the people who don’t know how to drive and get stuck).
2. Never park your car on an icy slope, unless your car sucks and you need the insurance money (ok, that was mine).
3. Once you start spinning your wheels, you’re not going anywhere.
4. If conditions are dangerously slippery, begin applying the brakes about 6 blocks ahead of where you plan to stop.
5. Everyone else on the road in these conditions is a moron (see #1).

4-wheel drive, all-wheel drive and traction control were nonexistent on the old ’64 Chevy I learned to drive. That car had a special rear differential known as a ‘floating axle’ (at least that’s what my Dad called it), which allowed only one rear wheel to drive the car at a time. In this configuration, power was applied to whichever wheel was getting the least traction! Driving on ice was an adventure, to say the least.

Fortunately, the driving skills passed on to me by my father sunk in. There were many other lessons that didn’t stick with me, including how to get girls (or maybe he left that one out). Left to my own devices there, I watched most of my friends score while I dreamed of a certain cheerleader. Now, if I could go back in time, I think I’d prefer it the other way around. After all, being stuck with a cheerleader in a cold, desolate spot with candles and a blanket would’ve been a whole lot more fun!

In case you really care, the key to this whole winter driving thing is simple: Get a car with traction control! If you’re stuck with an older car, never, ever start spinning your wheels (see #3). When you need to go up a hill, make sure no other “morons” are in the vicinity and get a running start. And if you get stuck, hang in there – I’ll be by with the candles, blankets and salt in a bit…