Tales from Techville

All of us techies have stories to tell and I'm no exception. Here are some true stories from the land of techies:

This one was related to me by my friend, who was in charge of the company-wide XP rollout...
Corporate User: You can't install that on MY PC!
My Friend: No problem! Show me the receipt in your name and I'll move on.

Only my final response is made up - it's what I wish I had said...
Me: You'll need to open a help desk ticket for that.
Female User: Well then, do I need a ticket to go the bathroom too?
Me: Yes please, so we'll know when to activate the spycam.

This Sr. Tech never lived it down...
Sr. Tech: Why won't this #*&@#! CD Writer work?
Other Tech: Try putting the CD in with the label up next time.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an executive who thinks you're his slave...
Senior Director: My laptop is broken and I need a new one!
Tech: What happened to it?
Sr. Director: I don't know - all I did was drop it on the floor. NOW GET ME ANOTHER LAPTOP IMMEDIATELY!!
Tech: Since you asked so nicely, I'll get on that right away. What shall I tell your VP when I ask for approval?

This tech was new to our company and thought he knew everything, except what they teach in beginning Novell classes...
Tech: I'm a CNE*, I'm a CNE, I'm a CNE, I'm a CNE! Did I mention that I'm a CNE?
Me: Wow, that's great - you must be so proud!
Tech: I'm a CNE! How am I going to get this PC working with no operating system? Also, I'm a CNE.
Me: Make a boot disk, then you can boot up and load the software over the network.
Tech: And HOW do I make a boot disk?
Me: You're the CNE - figure it out!
*CNE = Certified Novell Engineer

Personal experience, though my responses weren't nearly this diplomatic...
Programmer: My computer won't start!
Me: What happened?
Prog: Well, my Zip Drive quit working and I tried to fix it.
Me: How did you try to fix it?
Prog: I deleted the IDE disk drivers from my computer - and some other files in the system directory.
Me: That makes sense. How 'bout I spend the next 3 hours working on your PC?
Prog: Umm, OK.
3 Hours Later...
Me: There you go.
Prog: Wow, and my Zip Drive is working too! How did you fix it?
Me: I ignored all the other tech support calls for the building so I could concentrate on your problem. Freeing my mind in this manner enabled me to come up with the solution.
Prog: Really?
Me: No, I just connected the Zip Drive to the correct port on your PC.

More Tales from Techville in the future!

I found a terrific book on ADD, but got distracted after the first few paragraphs!