What's Up with Sponge Bob?

Jeez, I don’t know how I missed this. After seeing references in Entertainment Weekly and on the Academy Awards, I had to track this story down. Apparently some conservative groups, such as Focus on Family and the American Family Association, have determined that Sponge Bob Square Pants is a homosexual – or at least, he promotes homosexuality. Several news agencies picked up the story.

I swear, some people have waaayyy too much time on their hands (like bloggers). But, in some ways I can see how folks might come to the conclusion that Sponge Bob is gay. All it takes is a little digging. Here are some of the indicators of Sponge Bob’s gayness:

• He views his world as a place of wonder and excitement – GAY!
• He has no desire to hurt anyone – GAY!
• He’s been known to hold hands with his best male friend – GAY! (I’m waiting for the AFA’s stance on football players holding hands in a ‘huddle.’)
• He’s kind, even to people who hate him – GAY!
• He’s being used in a video to promote tolerance of people with different backgrounds and lifestyles – SUPER GAY!

The gay community should be proud that national conservative groups have done their research and discovered these fine qualities in homosexuals. If it weren’t for the work of such organizations, we never would have known the truth!

I am a bit concerned, however, that other cartoon and children’s characters have been missed. Sure, they nailed Tinky Winky, but what about:

• Bugs Bunny: Wears women’s clothing, serenades and kisses Elmer Fudd.
• Foghorn Leghorn: A bachelor who never hooks up with any chickens.
• Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh: Lives alone and is obsessively tidy.
• The Pink Panther: He’s pink, for god’s sake!
• Baloo Bear: Hangs around with a half-naked boy in the jungle, also dresses as a female.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I guess we tend to see what we want in cartoon characters. Good thing it doesn’t apply to people, right?